We lived in Raleigh, North Carolina, for three years and Derek was a year old when we moved back to Utah. During our time there, the young daughter of our friends died of cancer. My heart hurt for them. I didn’t know how they could endure the loss of that sweet little girl. I couldn’t imagine how any parent could deal with that kind of pain. Only months earlier I had seen her laughing as she rode on her father’s shoulders. She was so full of life and light.
I went to the funeral in our chapel and saw the small casket taken down the aisle with Lynetta, the mother, walking behind, dressed in a red suit, a faint smile of greeting on her face. That memory is still fresh. Lynetta was a woman of faith and that was apparent from the way she presented herself to all of us, as well as the way she taught. She knew her separation from her beloved child was only temporary. I marveled and I have remembered. She was a blessed “example of the believer” in my life.
Later, when we lived in Orem, another “mother who knew” strengthened me. Her daughter, who was in Quinn’s Primary class, also died of cancer. Her faith in God’s promises lifted all of us who mourned for their family. But there was more to come. Their teenaged son also contracted cancer and endured unsuccessful treatment until he eventually asked his parents to let him move on. He said that he and his sister “had work to do together in the Spirit World.” He was brave and faithful and so were his parents. Still, this mother spoke sometimes of her “heavenly homesickness.”
Neither of these mothers knew how their examples would help me, and no doubt others, in years to come. Their faith inspired me.
When Alex came into our family in 1983 he was welcomed with great joy. Love surrounded him for all of his years on earth. He was secure in his place in his siblings’ lives as well as with his parents.
Waking up for feeding times when he was an infant was a noted extra blessing to me of holding him and feeling that pure, beautiful spirit. It was obvious that he had come so recently from the presence of God.
As he got older, that purity and innocence remained to a large extent. I wondered how I could ever send him to public school, to fend with “natural” children. I decided he would be home schooled. I wondered how a child like this could make his way through this fallen world. He was not perfect, of course. He could get impatient or upset. On one occasion his cousin Corey was playing at our home and had pestered Alex and pushed him in fun until Alex reached his limit of endurance. He pushed Corey back and then ran down the hall to his bedroom. He pulled the blanket over his head and cried. He was very much a normal little boy but there was still something more that can only be described as purity.
When he was five years old he started to have stomach problems with occasional vomiting. Dr. Clark thought it was stomach flu. But it came and went for some time and I took him to a pediatrician. The illness was still not diagnosed. But when I noticed some yellowing in his eyes I took him back to Dr. Clark who became concerned and sent us to the hospital for a scan. There was a growth on his adrenal gland. It was at this time that I had an epiphany and unwanted questions came to mind: Was Alex not expected to stay long in this world? Was he here to receive a body and a family and move on?
We were referred to Primary Children’s Hospital in Salt Lake where exploratory surgery revealed the neuroblastoma in his abdomen with involvement in several organs. The only treatment available would be chemotherapy and the prognosis was not favorable. A new chapter in our lives began.
Howard was called as bishop of our ward at this time. Some thought this call would demand too much of our family at such a challenging time. I thought it could be a blessing, and we were so much in need of blessings! God perfectly knew our circumstances when that call was made.
The chemo was not successful but Alex was remarkable in his acceptance and endurance. Over time, he lost the ability to walk, he became bedfast, he lost his eyesight , we increased the amount of morphine for pain and turned his body in his bed more often for his comfort. It was heartbreaking to see what this precious child was enduring. Tears were shed in the shower every night and I slept in the other twin bed in his bedroom.
But we were not left comfortless. Through it all, Heavenly Father was mindful of Alex and our family and we were given the help and strength to get through each day. We saw tender mercies and the caring of family, friends, ward members. I could not have functioned without the enabling power of Jesus’ atonement and without the grace and comfort given to Alex. The hymns of the Church became my prayers of gratitude and thanksgiving to the Savior. I knew His promises were true. Alex knew they were true. And while we experienced the heartbreaks of mortality we could be yoked securely with Jesus, our perfect brother and friend.
Alex knew Jesus loved him and helped him. I quickly wrote down some things he said at different times that I wanted to remember with exactness. “Jesus is OUR leader.” “I’ll bet Satan’s getting mad because we won’t follow him!” “Thank Thee for these beautiful surroundings.” “Mom, you don’t have a good day if I don’t. That’s why Derek put both of our names in the temple.” “When I was in the bathroom I asked Jesus to help me and I said, ‘I love you, Jesus.’” “Do you think Dad could give me a blessing in the morning, because he has the truth and the power of the Latter-day Saints.” (Many times those blessings, faithfully requested, brought a decrease in his pain.) “Heavenly Father and Jesus want me to have these problems but they don’t want me to have pain.” “I wish everyone would pray for me.” “If I die, what about getting married?” “Tell me a Book of Mormon story. I just love the Book of Mormon.” “I’m glad every day isn’t a bad day and I’m glad Heavenly Father gives me some good days.” “I just love Christmas and the family party and the sacks that Grandma and Grandpa give to everyone. But I don’t love it just to be greedy. I love it because it’s Jesus’ birthday.” “Today I heard someone say ‘You’ll feel better soon’ when my side was hurting, and I don’t know if it was Jesus or someone else.” “I need to go to heaven!” The evening before he died, he had the energy to say his own prayer. It was a long prayer and he stopped every few words to catch his breath. He expressed appreciation for the world and for all of his family. He asked Heavenly Father to help him sleep well.
I will be forever grateful for the many tender mercies that made the last challenging months of Alex’s life easier for him. He never needed the morphine pump for his pain. Pressure on his stomach became less and he didn’t continue the vomiting. He accepted each additional problem without becoming depressed. He used mind control and told himself “I’m not going to think about it, I’m not going to think about it” and mentioned the body part that was hurting. He spent periods of time gazing into space with an intent look on his face. On two occasions, I heard him speaking to someone I couldn’t see. He said, “And I’ll do anything you want me to do.” When Alex told me he needed to go to heaven I knew he would soon leave us. I had been concerned that he would not want to leave and move on to a new life without his mom. I was seeing him as the little boy I had known and loved for over six years, and that boy wanted his mom at his side. But Alex was so much more than my little boy and he was ready to continue his mission on the other side of the veil. How valiantly he had lived out his time with us! How much he loved us and taught us! How honored we are that he was sent to us and will be part of our eternal family!
The night after he passed through the veil I tried to sleep. As I went in and out of consciousness I felt/heard a choir of numerous voices singing “Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Well done, thou good and faithful friend.” I knew Alex was being received
with all the honor and respect and love that he deserved.
And I know we will see him again and from that time through forever, he will be “ours to keep.”